dizzy dreamer 〆
forever,
Sunday, January 31, 2010, 11:34 PM
unexpected. this time, i not only have to suffer in pain in your absence, i have to force myself to continue on,
i also have to put up a fake front that im happy in front of my dad. im not happy . im not.
i so fucking hell hate this. i had to say all those words to you. why? why ? why ?
just a moment that day we were so happy, and in just a few hours. everything changed.
i just fucking hell dont believe my mum shouted at you. and even called you to scold you further.
im sorry marcus, im sorry that you had to take all that . im sorry.. hais.
you know, you were so right. its forever like this. and im so damn useless.
there's nothing i can do. cause' they'll never listen. they'll never understand. im really lost.
i dont know what exactly can i do to really give us happiness. hais.
i wish i could ask you to try working hard to prove your sincerity to my parents.
but ya true enough, as you said that you have somewhere you're heading to,
but there's a wall blocking your way. and there's not even a crack that you can start from.
why? simply cause. my parents th fucking obstacle, and they wont even give you a fucking chance. cause they got bad impression of you. your outlook. your character. your whole person. this is what i found out from my mum. i think they seriously got problem. i dunno how th hell, but. ya. my parents apparently saw that blog. th got your name and mine de. not th nickname one. that last post. i dunno how . my parents fucking hell found out bout it and read it.
i dont get their problem. got so many good things, they only want to focus on that. i dunno luh.
i really cant stand them! all i want is to be happy, why cant i fucking hell be happy! .
want be happy got fault meh! .walao eh. i rather you let us openly together, and naturally break like others! then you control and restrict like hell. this only makes my feelings stronger!
it just doesnt work this way, when you all will understand siol!. i want him, and him only.
hais. marcus, i really dont know what to do anymore. i wish i could have you. so so so much.
but in a way, i know as well, that if i continue like before, i will only cause you to get hurt even more. i cant make you happy marcus, its best for you to just forget me and carry on.
i cant just leave you hanging there, and waiting, and having to feel disappointed over and over again. i cant . i told my mum i will forget you. im lying. i completely lied. cos' i know i cant.
th more i tell myself i have to forget you, th more i'd hurt myself th stronger my feelings get.
i really dont know what to do, i guess if i want to see you, i wont let you know already. i cant.
i know i shouldnt be saying this, but yea. should you need me , or should you need to tell me anything. or should there be anything important, im sure you'll know exactly where i'll be de.
hais. i dont know what to do anymore. i only know i have to leave your life.i really hope that one day we will be able to meet again, and if we are ever capable of truly loving each other, then even if my parents want stop also cannot. so, ya fated, we will meet again one. hais. there's so much more to say, and i dont know where to stop, i guess most of th things i already told you, so many others i have written it somewhere else, hais. i wished we didnt have to end this way..
i dont know what to say already.
Labels: too many words left unsaid; too many things left undone.
some things never change.
Thursday, January 28, 2010, 7:59 PM
hmmm...well i suppose to be blogging quite a lot of stuffs a few days ago..but th com damn fk up -_-
duno wth la so ya cut short bahs. hmm dunno la some things got quite ..uh bad..
but now is okay le la, so nevermind le ba. so long you mean your words! :D
hmmm then suppose to meet you on 25th. then end up mum dunno wth happen,
so never meet le. so i just went for class bbq at cheryl/jiamin's condo.
first time i try tennis o.o quite fun :o then...ya catch up alot with classmates.
haha especially jon kwa kor! :D lol th guys play in pool...then..ya alot la.
quite fun although not everybody went ): wanchew n zhengping never go D:
haiyaa. then..ya got eat alot o.o then play at pool abit..quite wasted never wear fbt or bring extra clothes..hmm ya nevermind . was ok with jac O.o ya.then..ya like that lo o.o
then 26th i went out with jing to shop :D then..spent $30 plus.
then after that, marcus come find me at bugis :D then we go out looh :D
thanks to jing help, me and M managed to spend quite awhile together and even ate dinner,
at waraku somemore! finally i dont owe you th treat at waraku le haha :p
then, ya was fun, although never take photo ): very very wasted ):
then..nevermind spent $30plus on th dinner also. then ya before that went topman see see awhile haha. then uh..after that marcus pei me go train back to tampines again :DDDDDD
happy happy. :D then after that..he pei me wait bus 291. o.o then his work th person call him
then he supposedly work at thomsom plaza very convenient for him,
but because is on wednesday then he got drum then cant ): then got thursday at century square!
walao.................end up................he go friday de, at toa payoh O.o quite sad la,
if is century square is at tampines! i everyday can go see him :p
but nevermind la, haha hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm anyway..
he on 26th-28th feb got chalet..i now need to start planning for it le..haiyaaaaaa .
i really really really really really really super want to go !!!!!!!!!!! i want to go...............):
haiyaa. nevermind bout that first, anyway i posted to singapore poly architecture le .
and..i watched daybreakers with zhengping, very nice :D then today went out with....
itiel di! woah damn long never meet la. was fun :D although never spend alot time tgt.
went to downtown east mac to eat lunch plus study. i help him with his science .
cos he tmr got test.. then is like.. his test is on my sec 2 chemistry topics. very similar :o
quite alot he need to learn for his test :o hope he really understood what i taught/help him O.o
ya goodluck for ur test! :D eh......then study till 3plus. then head to pasir ris beach again :D
then..wanted sit at rock, but got couple lying down, then we bo go disturb la. lol
then sit at th bbq pits there th stool or i dunno what la.
wind damn strong haha. then ya i vandalise th table again -.- but didi forgot take picture haha.
then..ya he drew a guitar but..end up epic? i dont really know what he meant, he say is spoil or what ah . i dont know -_-" ya. then from there suppose go my house there to eat blueberry waffles and bbt. end up no time. nevermind la. so pei him take bus 17 send him go his chinese tuition there. then teacher havent come, then i dont exactly know how go. so.. ya he pei me walk in th sun LOL. then go till tampines mall. suppose send me to bus interchange there. end up we go find wanchew . find find find. finally found her at cashier haha. so funny. then talk abit. then wanchew want me pass her 2 red polo shirts -_-" so..ya tmr i think need go pass to her o.o
dunno yet , maybe end up my mum will go, dunno la my mum dunno say what shit i cant go out -.- ya. then....uh after that itiel send me halfway then his friend say teacher come liao.
so he go le. then i take bus home. then think bout th times when marcus pei me wait my bus then after that he take bus 39 home :D so gooooooooooooooooooooood LOL :p ya. then...
like that lo.maybe will go out with didi again, then pass wanchew th shirts, then at there go uniqulo to alter my skinnies and my sister's also. then..from there pei itiel go see guitar things .
dunno yet, mum like dont let me go out -.- dunno la. ya . then.. hmmmmmmm.. im gonna rot.
sort of tired, hope will be able to call marcus later ba . O.o ya. dunno what to say le -_-.
Labels: so little time.
Friday, January 22, 2010, 9:03 PM
hmm..ya today japanese test..
96.5/100 for writing.
95/100 for oral :o
seems high, but actually consider not very good.
got other students learn japanese by themselves before. so...they do better .
ya actually previously is motivated to study very hard for it cause i want continue alot of lessons.
cause supposedly marcus can take his course very nearby there then we everyday till at least around april.. can meet everyday for lunch siol :D
then i can see him in working clothes...and..i dunno la..very qi dai . haha.
but..now..he uh..didnt get in that place th course..
nevermind la! haha .
hmm....ya hor.. never get full marks for written paper.. so no meal from marcus ):
nevermind bahs. hmm..
ya today.....when i finish class.. then i in bus.. then...marcus.. sms me...
suddenly say got bad news...
then...ya...
same as last year...
nevermind ba..
haiyaa.. i seriously wonder..
if there's something wrong with me..
ha...ha.. im apparently..not..th least bit..angry with him at all..
hmm..but nevermind ba.
eh..ya..
marcus , dont say sorry..
ya. uhm.
since is last year then jiu suan le.
just...ya all these i said on sms le..
so..ya..
uh make it right this time ba .
put your words into action ,..
and..uh. i trust what you said. so..
uh..ya. you know la.
hmm. anyway, i really want say, uhm. thank you.
for telling me :)
ya.actually..is me who caused this to happen ba..cause..i keep on cannot be there for you...hais..i..dont deserve you..or anyone sia..hais
uh..you know..at this moment..all i want to see is your smile. hais.
Labels: will there ever be a chance for us ?
Thursday, January 21, 2010, 8:43 PM
hmm long time never post. dunno is lazy or what . argh.hmm. still abit sian to post -.-
waiting for cousin to upload photo on facebook then got photos to put -.-
hais i feel as though nowadays more and more no life.
yet..quite happy. -.- dunno la.
hmm. atey at night keep on in de middle of th night wake up -.-
end up call marcus to chat ..
hmm happy :D
but.. ive not been getting enough sleep alamak -.-
complexion getting worst -.-
hais. tomorrow got japanese test ! -.-
today kena scolding during piano class. -.-
then haiyaa th most fucked up one is now my fucking labtop th 2 usb ports duno wtf happen.
then only got one.
then that one also abit sot.
then i put my ipod cable in.
it fucking cannot work
i dont think is cable problem .
dunno la.
fuck sia cannot put new songs inside -'-
Labels: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck -.-
Friday, January 15, 2010, 12:49 AM
hmmmmmmmmmmm ytd bbq at dickeon's condo.nice&fun :D
though with jac i dont know what happen, but nevermind!
it was OKAY :D
haha. met 2 friends as well,
yong siong & ji xiong haha :D
nice people! :D
haha, then wanted go kbox with them, end up cant.
then i go home. LOL .
at home dad give lecture LOL.
ya today...go piano class den
go japanese class..
walao i cant catch what my jap classmates n tcher saying liao sia
hais, i seriously must jiayou,
if not next time marcus work ther, then i cant make it to continue lessons ther,
LOL .
then i went to find dickeon n ji xiong n yong siong . they at bugis..
then wanted go with them to singapore flyer, but end up nv.
i go home.
hais.
then today submit JAE form.
then...
ya online tilll now.
now webcam with marcus again :D
i go now la, later he say i busy again, tata ! ;D
Labels: soccer match soccer match :D
Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 2:06 AM
i should just go fuck myself.hopeless sia.
i forever cannot be there for you.
today my fucking attitude somemore.
im so fucking pissed with myself.
fuck fuck fuck la! just let us together will die ah!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010, 10:03 PM
hmm..saturday went with zhengping go see singapore poly .very de luan manxcxcxcxcxc, tht time i went alone to see th night open house at nyp ,
damn nice siol, th ppl very nice also .
then singapore poly..looks...abit old.....and very luan ):
but it has th course i want to go in to, nvm la,
i found out today alot of my good friends chionging SP :D
L1R4 same as dickeon then he also go architecture course , same as me ,!
argh got challenge! hahah .
then wanchew going sp toooooooooooooooooo :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
hahahahahahha, she take business :D
zhengping going international business/tourism&resort management/banking&finance LOL.
yemin going music & audio technology, that one i wanted go in, but i think think,
i dont know guitar, dont know drums, only know piano. i think not good enough lehhhhh .
haiyaa . let yemin have it la :p hahaha . jk .
then vernon also architecture but his 2nd choice.
yeaaaaap . thats all i know for now hehheh.
ok continue with saturday LOL .
then zhengping pei me see finish s'pore poly then we head to yishun lol.
take mrt haha damn hot inside duno why wtf .
then go yishun then chua tio marcus cos he didnt know i go ?
lol i though i smsed him -_-
nvm, then go in his hair is jus wake up one haha :p
nvm mine worst, he first time see my new hairstyle, short hair. LOL .
then before tht zp went to ekoms , -_- zzz . then..
ya then head to his house then sit ther, watch marcus play ps3.
then we decide watch avatar, so marcus on labtop ,
lend zp seesee ..
then ya th timing abit shitty.
then duno suddenly what happen,
then he abit sad then want go home,
(end up he go find his lover)
then ya nvm. me n marcus head to northpoint. he wanted play arcade, end up nv hahah .
then..ya we bought icemountains again :D
LOL
then....take MRT to somerset AGAIN haha , th 3idiots lol(not th movie)
then TH TICKETS FOR AVATAR AND VAMP.ASSISTANT SOLD OUT.
fuck la, then too late i cannot.
then go marina aso same. sian
so nv watch.
then want go waraku eat den too busy,
nvm next time k! :D
then go foodcourt , then ya was happy haha :D
wth drink mushroom soup then he will not smoke till after 8pm. O.o
then drink lorh.
then go arcade he play soccer ,
we made bet, (or promise haha) then..ya if i can win him in a arcade th soccer match, by this yr.
he within a month after will quit smoking, is (MUST) :D
hehehehehhehe . so shiok man th bet.
hmphh, think i cannot win ah, i WILL WIN DE LOH , you WILL quit smoking :D
heehee. then go esplanade, OMG dream come true after 2yrs hahahha ;p
then go th open space , wind blow, quit shiok haha.
happpppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :D
then go library awhile ...didnt hang long cos cant go home too late.
nvm, he so nice lehhhhhhhhhhh
he pei me take mrt :DDDDDDDD
then he pei me wait bus then he take 39 home haha
so nice lehhhhhhh, i so happyyyyyyyyyy :D
haha, then bused home..then ya.
everything was fine.
then..............ytd. i finish class..then marcus come find me :D
then was raining so weird hahah .
then ya share umbrella ( main thing to protect his hair from rain ) -_-
then ya, happy happy although never spend much time together,
haha. caught in rain together, i like :D
hmm...then so drama again.
he miss one train, i miss one train, then end up
next round we go together, cos train came together, close together haha .
then...ya nothing much, lazy say le,
i now webcamming with marcus :DDDDDDDDDDD
oyasumi nasai! :D
Labels: your stupid faces never fails to make me smile (:
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hello i am qy 〆 ヒスイ sleep paralysis, wretches & sketches しめ
i study the making of places where people spend their lives
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