dizzy dreamer 〆
i wish i could be there.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010, 10:49 AM

i hope what im doing is right.
i'f pray that things gets better for you, even if it doesnt get better for us...and..hais. i think i hurt you ..a lot..hais.
still, i want to know, if you still want me there. not asking me to forget you or whatsoever, but truly from your heart..

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because, letting you go, will be my way of loving you.
Saturday, February 20, 2010, 1:00 AM

i wont forget. but i will try to let go. if i end up cannot and we end up still the same way, i wont try any harder, i guess that will be our fate ba. but now, i will try . cos' , you have a life that you are living with now, and its less suffering. at first, i kept looking you up, thinking, that when i see you im happy, and that i thought, you would be happy to see me. but i guess, i was wrong ba.
you dont need me. cos you chose another path that is better for you. and..since , you're happy.. that's th most important. so i guess, this is goodbye, be happy.
till fate brings us back together.

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i wished you'd just be yourself.
Friday, February 19, 2010, 11:11 PM

i went again, passed 2bottles of water, saw your ahma and dad, felt as heartwarming as when i saw your mum
then, managed to see your smile again .
then..ya . i feel really angry that i didnt trust your words, i also found out it was real already.
i guess i trusted your feelings too much. stupid. moreover from th first day i liked you, i was already stupid enough.
hais, nevermind . i really dont know what to do this time.
cos', she's not me, and she'll never be me. for she can be with you when you need her.
so i guess i shouldnt go find you anymore . cos you dont need anyone else in her absence, unlike me
cos whatever i do can never be enough. though i never got to know whether you're really happy, or not , now. its okay. i'll believe that you will be. bout my parents that one..i dont know how to say. i wont say either. and ya you shouldnt believe, cos you should just carry on with how you are living now. i only want to say, do whatever that makes you happy. for that's what im trying to do now
P.S. i think you have a really nice family. :)

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i wished you meant every single word .
Thursday, February 18, 2010, 10:37 AM

what if i told you my parents approved of us ? .

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your presence ,
Tuesday, February 16, 2010, 9:48 PM


313-heeren-fareast-313.
having felt your presence was enough .

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i wish i could, but i just cant.
Monday, February 15, 2010, 9:38 PM


nothings seems to be okay , hais.
everywhere i go, i'd still be reminded of you.
no matter what i do, every single small details can make me think of us .
hais. really weird lo. do what also can be reminded of you.
just suddenly got th word thailand, or marcus, or yishun, or pig or i dunno how many more things, i will think of you. then i go so many places that we went together before i'd think of you.
and so many more . then, hais worst. angry , i wished you were here. to calm me down.
i sad, wished you could be here to hold me. i happy, i wished you were th one beside me being happy with me. when i look into th mirror and try to smile, or if i take photo, i feel like.. suddenly in difficulty or what .. hais. so many things la. i just cant do it, but since your friend said you can,
i wont come disrupting your life againm, cos i'd only leave with causing you more pain.
so ya, hope you're alright. then again, i just cant do it. hais. try and try . still sucks.
everytime suddenly chat with friends/cousins. sure talk tilll you or what. then talk bout you usually at th start is super happy. made me damn high. then when gonna end th talk.... then suddenly damn pain. hais. cos...is like..i cant have any more..memories..or what i dunno ba .
hais.ya. anyway. ..
th next time, i wont let you see till me again .

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しあわせ,なんですか?
Thursday, February 11, 2010, 11:48 PM

so many words left unsaid.
so many things left undone.
あした､ちきゅうがおわります｡なにをしたいですか?
わたしはmarcusに｢さいわいあれ｣といいたいです｡

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it seems that, this time. its for real. everything's over.
Sunday, February 7, 2010, 8:32 PM

how i wish, everything was just a nightmare.
how i wish when i wake up and open my eyes, i will be waking up beside you.
how i wish then, you would hold me tight, and tell me everything's alright.
but i guess. the nightmare was real, and my life has become a torture, a living death.
cause' without you, i realised that nothing's ever gonna be alright ever again .
when i saw those words. i felt sad, tht you're really walking away. but then i realised,that was th best for you, so i started crying&laughing. how stupid i was.

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i said, i will forget you. i lied.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010, 11:04 PM

hais. last time super love night time before i sleep. cause i cant stop thinking bout you,
and i feel happy cause i will think alot about all th moments we had, and..is like i will feel excited and keep wondering if i will dream about you when i sleep. or not is how long will i need to wait to call you up to chat and talk happily till we feel sleepy then sleep.
now, when i feel that way. i end up feeling so much pain instead, cos' i know i have to force myself to stop feeling that way . its so painful every single night...cant sleep cant sleep...
my eyebags..getting really bad ...and that first night, i couldnt get use to not waiting up, or not waking up to call you. i hesitate every single night. i wished i could just call you, and hear your voice, or at least feel your presence when im on th phone with you. but every single time i have to hold myself back, cause i know, i'd be selfish if i did that again . hais. every single day is so damn suffering. i go anywhere, i do any sort of things. i see any little details. think bout any stuffs, i will think of you. and i end up missing you like hell and have to force myself to occupy myself with things. hais. now no work, nothing to occupy, end up i go continue my jap lesson and i everyday think bout you cos the place itself reminded me of you. hais. at least i can occupy myself for 3hrs a day . although i spent th other 7/8 of th day thinking of you. hais.

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hello i am qy 〆 ヒスイ sleep paralysis, wretches & sketches しめ

i study the making of places where people spend their lives

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