dizzy dreamer 〆
because everytime i try to make it better, it only gets worst.
Monday, March 29, 2010, 7:54 PM

i dont know what to do. i dont know what's right. i dont know what's best . i really dont know. i thought it would be easy. i never knew. there's so much that you'd never told me. everytime i try to think it'd be better for you. i made things worst. i didnt mean to. everytime i try to do things to make us both happy. its just never enough. sometimes i feel, im always th only one trying so hard. i just wished you'd understand. i just want to be there for you , and for you to be here for me. i want to be happy. i want you to be happy. i want us to be happy.

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disappointed, and tired.
Saturday, March 27, 2010, 11:29 PM

hmm, want say something first , marcus, doesnt matter if i meet new guys in poly or that are better or what lo . and its not true that with you, future no good or whatsoever lorh . haha read th words for th photo above! :) yeah . hmm. today. went out. to city hall. meet michelle. :D we go MOSburger @ rafflescity :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD teriyaki chicken burger&fish burger :DDDDD
ya . then.. go marina square foodcourt. study. teach her maths and chemistry . then. laugh and study LOL . end up drawing also. lol . then..ya . 6.30 go suntec city, meet my mum , sis, ahma, and michelle family . eat dinner at muthu's curry LOL . th food. was OOOK . curry fish head nicest . then nononon th cheeese and butter naan was th besttttttttttt :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
th cauliflower was fried LOL weird texture LOL . ya . then..ya finish. go marina again. play arcade with my sis, michelle and her brother. damn weird =.= so ya. play all those 2player anyhow tap and use joysticks one. ya. weird. then..after that go waraku awhile lol.anjo got promoted to assistant manager i think weird!. lol. then.. after that. parents came back fetch. then go home alr...ohman. then wait for m online. now finally online. lol. so ya. need go do daily housework awhile now also, so..ya. OHYA. i got to know a girl going same course and school as me :D her name's..JEHAN, cool huh . ya so..we sorta clique really well. and we've been hahahahahahhahahhaa-ing th whole time! haha i guess its gonna be pretty exciting :DDDDDDD
cant wait for poly :DD hope th orientation's gonna be enjoyable! haha . kkkkk. that's all, i guess.

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aching everywhere.
Friday, March 26, 2010, 11:17 PM


lol i want to go buy a VANS -_- zzz . when then can go together to buy siol ): need save up money somemore =_=" i want either a complete red , or a high-end black one. or a red and black one. LOL . ya . M also want red and black one..hmm.. but 109bucks wtf . broke. fucking broke. :(
ya. so...today. i head all th way to dover. go sp. take student card. saw alot sp ppl. got chiobu. and shuai ge alot LOL.and..that apparently lured me into going for one of th camps. sadly i dunno wtf was my parents' prob. dont want me go. cos some age gap shit. =_=? nvm sua . haha. then ya . anyway met a few ppl.. got a guy call marcus also! LOL . then got a chiobu, i forgot her name. =_=ohman. ohwell. ya . so....i was planning to buy a mac labtop also..but damn ex . didnt bring money lol.ya .. next time need call that wanchew. hais sian. she 1st april then back. ya . so after that . wanted try go vivo via outram park. dunno can anot. i thought only can dhoby gaut dunno (what th spelling la.) ya . then i sms M . he say friday not working LOL. so...lucky havent step out. lol. like idiot sia. step out of mrt then step in. lol . ya . so mrt to tampines. wait for kor . lol end up i later than him abit, cos i go draw money lol . ya . so me and jon went to eat MOSburger :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
lol. ya. finished..then. go th skates shop. not open. close for lunch LOL. so go back pasir ris together, sadly no time learn skateboarding from him! ohwell . other times i guess. so..ya . go haising collect o lvl cert. ya . then ian came, they both left. i wait for ziqi come in. so. met up go hall. i go change clothes. then..ya . itiel came woah . haha. sad he never bring clothes. so he go home change, unexpected he came back! haha . LOL . so ya. played with ziqi and susan awhile. lol . then slack. th juniors damn cham . go through hardcore training lol . so..ya after that, went down to carpark there play volleyball with itiel, th truth is.. he's not bad LOL . i didnt know he primary sch got play! haha . ya so played awhile. th whole timing. damn stupid. but was fun. and friggin' tired now. ache siol . wrists and legs . =.= cos i so stupid, morning still go running. now legs so wobbly. dumb. ya. then...ya playa while. go back up. crystal came. so ya. we went buy drink... then go down play again. saw till shayn , haha. apparently he still sorta shuai/cute. haha. but still short , i guess. LOL. we meet everytime smile like alot of times, but not once, we talked LOL =_= damn stupid haha . ya sad case, . then..ya. play with itiel. then start laughing bout some stupid shit, he spit water out. haha then he tried to make me spit too wtf -.- whole timing laugh till stomach ache. wth . today whole day ache sia . after that, got tempted to eat chicken rice with them, susan , nico, and itiel , go home still eat another meal. walao. feel like a complete pig. whole day eat eat eat . =.= ya . then..after that , me and susan and nico bused back, itiel separate lol -.- ya . then reached home.. nothing much alr. whole day ach siol !!!!!! =_= morning, headache. afternoon handache. evening stomach ache and leg ache. at night, worst . =.= but whole day heartache, haha! . i miss marcus LOL .=_= " i want to go out againnnnnn ):

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if only, we could be what we could have been.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010, 5:31 PM


lol, that's luke pasqualuno and kaya scodelario . FREDDIE AND EFFY FROM SKINSseason3&4 :D i think they damn hot lo :DDDDDDD haha . marcus still havent go watch th show, hmph. lol
ya..so..today we webcam! lol. haha. and i received a damn nice photo of marcus, playing drums, and wearing my favourite type of shirt, and as usual, looking retard hahahahhahahaha :DDDD
goodness, i feel so high. LOL . hmm..ya so..today's dad's birthday lol. go so much food, O.O kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk i go eat alr, lol. hope tonight can call you haha :D

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th' 101th post.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010, 12:33 PM

damn th number one thing i have to post.
TODAY MARCUS' MUM COOKED TOMYAM! . AND I COULDNT BE THERE TO EAT IT! DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:
super sad la ): hmph. maybe i should plan and go over his house to eat it...hmmmmmmmmm.
anyway what were you saying in your blogpost? " if only . if only" O.O???

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nothing i do is ever enough.
Monday, March 22, 2010, 4:38 PM

there's so much i want to say, but th words wont seem to come out.
maybe, some words are really best left unspoken.

hmm got some pictures from last week..lazy say la. so ya i just post photos.






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i finally found out th meaning
Sunday, March 21, 2010, 10:48 PM

hmm..i want to know th reasons..i have always ended up letting you know mine. but you'd never let me know yours.. is it so hard for you to just tell it to me? i just wished i could understand you more...why do you keep avoiding ?.. i really want to try and be there ..but..yet i feel like..you're stopping me from doing so for you..i've been wondering if you're really okay . it feels like there's something that you want to say..yet u never did..
anyway, M. i found out th meaning of th phrase already ; my love, i miss you very much.

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you never told me, i never knew .
Friday, March 19, 2010, 9:53 PM

hmmmmmm. ytd. i went to find M. then. end up he no lunch break. so. never eat together. sad . nevermind. then ya. was very messed up. nevermind so.. ya i go eat myself. ate at takashimaya th thai food there. lol drink tomyam soup, plus veg, plus lemonchicken, plus rice, plus a pepsi. $6.50 O.o. ya and th soup inside got alot ingredient O.o lol. got prawns, got fish got mushroom haha. ya. then...sms marcus, see he want eat anything. i guess he no time eat also. apart from his dinner break. so he ask me buy sweet. i bought lakerol and halls. ya then i thought maybe can buy him some cheeseballs. so i just ate lunch. i bought that, end up go back tangs, cant find him. so i pass th sweets to his friend, wayne. ya. then th cheeseballs i eat finish. so..after that i walk go back kino at taka. i go read on architecture stuffs again. less than 10mins. khairul smsed saying he ready. lol so i head back to mrt. go tanah merah meet him. haa. so we gonna have dinner at around 4plus. -.- weird siol. finish lunch, less than half hour i eat teabreak. less than half hour eat dinner. -.- go home still eat supper. -.- sia la. then ya . go tanah merah. rainrainrainrainrain. -.- then..ya. so we met! .we supposedly opposite sides. then i think he cross over. then we saw each other. then walk in cabin. wak till see each other. sat down. haha. he's still hot lol . and i dont know why he keep saying he's not. wasted la. he also say wasted i forgot bring camera, then can camwhore together LOL . ya so..we went to breeks to eat dinner. got a malay girl quite chio. but..sad case, he still got feel for his ex. pro seh 1yr2months plus alr. haha . so ya whole timing. we talk talk talk bout our ex. i whole time talk bout marcus, he talk bout his ex. ya we have alot in common! haha. ya. so..then suddenly my mum and my sis dont know what thing. so just need head back alr. wanted continue some more early supper at mac. but never la. so ya. he head home. i cross road. go home alr. yup. last night tired, so forgot online. haha. forgot continue th chat with khairul! lol. sorry ah . then ya i never sms marcus also. hahaa. tired laaaa. sorry ;x.
ya so...i apparently headed to M house today. lol. and..he's awake! . shocking . lol. ya cos'..he wants to go cut his hair. lol. at that very moment when im so damn sleepy. -.- so..ya. go out . he regret cutting his hair. awww nevermind, dont cut for 3months! haha, but if u leave thick and long, sure need re-dye. lol dont know la. haha so ya first time watch u cut and dye hair. haha. not as mahuan as girls' hair. lol. hmm..soon my turn, i need layer my whole damned hair. -.- ya. so..after that..go back. yay. on aircon. first time. lol. sleep . finally . haha. sleep, as in really slept, for..sadly only awhile. before..blablabla. lol. ya. then uncle home le. so..ya. ohya we bought icecream..so ya watch him play gta. nice siol . haha so dumb la. felt so sadistic for that moment. haha. so ya i damn hungry liao. so went to eat icecream. i ate th sour one, forgot th name. he ate crunch haha. so. ya after that. he go take a cup of cookies and cream icecream. lol. continue th game. i think. ya. then...rotrotrot. then time to eat dinner. so ate dinner. fishpluscuttlefishpluspork porridge plus alot of coriander haha . marcus's one he add so much soyasauce luh -.- crazy uh. already salty . -.- ya . so eat . got alot bones lol. ya then was watching soccer...ya. then awhile. 6plus i want go liao. end up go his room rot somemore. then. finally go le. thought he might not have agreed, end up he pei me yay. lol but sad siol. he told me , he dont want send/pei me back next time, cos' everytime he does so. kena caught. lol. really meh. nevermind la, just continue lehhhhhhhhhh. haha. ohwell. so went to draw money. then i cab back already, lol. hmmmmmmmmmm. i was thinking of that time at far east he open th taxi door for me again LOL. so gentleman. how rare. ;P
lol , ya so..later then call you la , hmph. im so damn jealous you can play gta and ff13 on ur ps3! .

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just a little longer.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010, 11:58 PM

hmm. today i went to find M ..at first i thought, it might be difficult to find him. cos' i forgot that he's so tall that all i had to do was take a glance, and i found him. lol . ya saw him working!. haha. in black polo :D so hardworking haha . then ..saw his friend, wayne..ya. then see wayne keep walk go marcus there. lol dont know is doing what . lol . i guess it was tiring. haha. ya then . we met for lunch . sorry ah, th cook took so long, end up made you sit there so long -.- ya. then i wanted buy sweet&sour pork rice, end up buy thai-style chicken rice. haha. ya. then he bought dunno what fish and rice O.o fish leh fish leh :D hahahaaa :D ya. then he bought 1 extra bowl of rice.. he must be really hungry haha. ya. forever one. lol then..ya OHYA. i forgot mention. when we were walking to somerset313 th foodcourt to eat.. before that wanted go paragon buy drink first, cos he very thirsty. and i dunno how th hell. so suay saw till my mum and ahma infront . walao my heart skip dunno how many beats. i immediately hide..marcus continue walk . wtf la . but..also must say. lucky , she never see us ba . *whew* . ya then..heng lorh . whole timing marcus keep scaring me that my mum here, my mum there, -.- ya. then..ohya went orchardcentral collect his friend thing also. got a girl he say "not bad" lol -.- ya. then i ask him go take number, he say he shy -.- nvm ya skipskipskip . k then eat finish, supposedly will head back together. end up m say dont risk..so i took a stupid mrt ride from somerset to orchard -.- then..ya. i walk to takashimaya th kinokuniya. i go see my architecture stuffs. see for 1hour half, still havent see finish. -.- tmr i go see. after having lunch with M again tmr :D ya. hmmm..gonna see you working again, yayyayyay lol. hmm..friday..you'd better say hor. hehhehhehh. :3 hmm..and hopefully can go seoulgarden eat tgt. ya. and wth la, u say u tonight will online.. end up never ): k k k k k k k k k k i go play gta le. marcus, i so good hor, pei you, then you wont eat alone. lol lol . then i rot all th way siol . hmph. lol joking, sorry cant join you for dinner though :/

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so many risks, taking so many chances.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010, 11:10 PM

hmm, i lazy post last few days thing..nevermind. i just summarise. hmm. yesterday, went out with M. pei him shop. go somerset.heeren.far east. then rain lol .then got a girl first time smoke. so weird lol . then..rain...so ya we go take taxi. th nicest part was...he opened th door for me! haha . sort of weird, but very nice la haha . ya so we cab to queensway. lol i didnt know i actually knew th place. o.o ya. so after 12335465475463471234961417092375hours... marcus finally decided on buying his new red and black soccer boots lol. ya . so.. after that we had a long bus ride :D to yishun.. he go play soccer.. ya so meet fadhil/fats go marcus house. they play guitar :)
then after that went to eat dinner, then head to th soccer area. they wear shoe, and warm up alr then i left le..i cabbed home again -.- i lately like keep spend money on cabbing back home.. i guess its th only way. since spending money on cabbing here and there seems to be th only way of extending th time i can spend with you. haha . weird phrase lol. ya then go home. sorry for not texting you and worrying you ah, i really too tired then fell asleep le :p ya then..today!. i finish my japanese test le. hais. it really sucked. ya then because of it. i guess i like so unhappy with M. haiyaa, so.. lucky everything's okay. im so so so so tired. ok nvm then..ya so i decided to meet him up for dinner at weisong's house. so..i went early..ohya! before that, i went to buy gifts for my jap teachers to thank them, cos i guess i was such a 'slow' student LOL. ya. then i rushed to marcus house. lol . then ya wanted sleep. end up he keep think i not happy..abit true la. just that everytime i go find you. hmph lol . then i quite disappointed you never come ): lol but nevermind le la . i at that moment when at ur house, i already not unhappy. i just very tired. wanted to sleep. lol . ya so after that u go bathe. your parents came home.. i talked to your ahma . haha apparently she loves th 2 food that you dont like LOL. fish and vegetables! so nice lorh hahaha . :D then ya, we took bus to weisong house le. lol . we both dress in black siol. haha . ya then..go there eat.. got fish , veg, soup, chicken, egg, prawns. haha. i took fish for you, and you ate it! haha :D lol. then ya i didnt know you dont know how peel prawns! LOL. ya. had a simple, yet enjoyable dinner. haha. ya after that watched tv. then u all go out smoke..hais. ya. then..come back. play cards. i didnt know you dunno how play taiti(or wtv th spelling lol). ya haha ended up you won that round! lol. ya then...watched tv..play 21points.. ya see u shift th teevees around LOL . ya then sat at sofa watch somemore tv..then 9pm wanted to go.. end up i really dont wanna go. so.. ya wait till th justforlaughs(asia) finish..then ur friends come. woah finally see what ceci looks like, haha . XD
ya. then..go off..then..ya you offered to pei me go wait for taxi..thanks :) ya. then..i left le. yup. had a great day haha :DD thanks ah , anyway, th prev day .. dont need feel that way la. we out together, enough le :) also not say you never pei me la. together with fats.. can clique..okok de la. haha. anyway, today when you played finish a few songs.. you play guitar.. i think.. its was pretty mesmerizing :x haha . hope to spend more time with you! :D yeah . im really happy with you(:

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every little detail .
Friday, March 12, 2010, 9:17 PM


both th hair..the colour..i want siol -_- th hair type, i only like th second one though, only th on top there abit messy, lol . but still nice la , ya . eh marcus, go learn abit of hairstyling leh , help me do my hair! hahahaha:D lol, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
next week howhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhow??:(
i miss isketch-ing with you! haha :D and what did say 'bout me to your friend alicia! :O

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if only i had the power to make my parents understand ,
Thursday, March 11, 2010, 8:44 PM

i dont know what to do , i dont know what's right. i dont know what's best . i dont know i really dont. sighs . im sorry im always making it so fucked up for you, im sorry i cant do anything about it. im sorry that my parents just dont approve of us now, next time..i dont know..i really dont think it would be forever. i dont know . im sorry . im sorry everything's this way . i really wish i could do something about it to make things better .. im sorry . so fucking useless. i just thought, us being able to be happy would be enough .. i dont know .. im just trying to be happy. im sorry if i seem selfish ...i dont know i dont know . i really wish i can make you happy. i wish we could be happy . sighs . stop torturing us...

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i think your parents are great , lol .
Wednesday, March 10, 2010, 11:09 PM

chanced upon this picture..th hair colour like not bad , ya . i want that plus layered short hair!
nvm . today went over to your house.. hmm...talked to your mum and dad! haha . sort of nice.
lol they care alot for you man . haha try spend your sundays with them la! :) they so 疼 you :)
haha. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
i dont know what i wanted to say already , lols . ohwell , ohya! マーカス、あなたは偉大な男ですね!
hahahahaha :D

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super random :D
Tuesday, March 9, 2010, 11:30 PM

ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH ISKETCH
:D

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just a few days away, and my heart's already aching .
7:42 PM

it really sucks that i always end up reminding you about things that make you feel troubled and pissed . now i dont know if i'd make you feel worst if i contact you again. sighs . but..i dont think i can control myself from looking you up either... sighs, this is torturing. anyway that rap from peter chao sounds awesome man . haha . i miss watching videos and tv over at your place! :(
i have come to realise...that i spend at least an hour every night before i sleep with my whole mind full of thoughts of you, without myself knowing 'bout it till th' next morning when i ask myself how th hell did i finally fall asleep.

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how i wished, we could go through everything together.
Friday, March 5, 2010, 8:27 PM

hmmmmmmmmmmm. so many things, but i liked it best when i see you happy.
when you smile, when you laugh, haha . today, watching tv together was th best, dont know why.
lie down together to watch tvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv :D
if only everyday can like that , . i wonder, if we could ever really be happy . ..
i didnt dare to rely on you, not because i dont trust you, but because i dont trust myself worthy of holding on to you.
if i really fell, will you really be there to hold on to me and pull me back up?

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how i wished, i could say sorry to her; and every one of them.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010, 7:13 PM

hmmm..feel like all these happened because of me ba , .
nevermind bout that, anyway 2days i never talk to you, you suddenly sms me today,
i so HAPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY :D damn high , haha .
yea, anyway, its never too late, although, first impression important, but...
you should still try to change, ya . whatever you did, i still take it as th past, i wished it wont repeat...but ya, its really not too late, and is not no hope ...try think positive abit?
i dont know if its right to say these, but dont give up la , just dont repeat same mistakes ..
ya . although my parents' thinking is important, but main thing, is th two of us ba,
i dont really know what im trying to say la, but .. anyway, there wasnt much you could have help la, so dont think too much bout that , and its not too late , its really not la . dont so negative! ,
please please cheer up, :/ maybe i should go over again....seems that , i never failed to cheer you up when you see me , haha lolol

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i forgot you were someone else's .
Monday, March 1, 2010, 8:15 PM

i felt selfish when i felt jealous, cos' i forgot this was th best for you .
cos' i cant let th happiness last long, cos there's an obstacle that cant seem to be removed now,
but im just glad, i could still make you happy , even for a short period of time.
i guess, i should just keep it this way , i guess you're happier this way also..

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i give up, cos' i think i just cant do it .
11:26 AM

no idea why i took this picture, but i think its really nice, ya.
its a different kind of happy that i can only feel when i'm with you.
i guess i should just leave it this way, since i'm able to see you smile this way.
so long as you're happy, i guess everything's gonna be just fine.

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hello i am qy 〆 ヒスイ sleep paralysis, wretches & sketches しめ

i study the making of places where people spend their lives

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| vomit | s | vehemency |. .

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